Crazy huh. But how often have you pampered yourself, taken yourself out, or even just listened to your hopes dreams and aspirations? Never, or maybe occasionally.
How well do you know you? What do you like to do, what makes you feel happy, what makes you feel fulfilled, and what makes you excited? And yet we live with ourselves every dayy and we are perplexed at why we are unhappy and unfulfilled.
It’s like dating someone else
Think about what you do and say when you meet someone new. You go out and buy a new outfit. Spray on some aftershave or perfume or both. When you meet you want to find out everything about them.
You are so excited about seeing them:
- You take them to your favourite restaurant
- You talk to them nicely and compliment them and you tell them how wonderful and exciting they are
- You pay them your full attention
And then you tell everyone how wonderful, exciting and drop dead gorgeous they are.
You do everything you can to impress them. And the most important part of this equation? Is how you feel about you.
You can polish the outside as much as you like but if don’t like you, if you don’t find you exciting they will sniff this out under all the deodorant, after shave and perfume in a nano second. They won’t even need to think about it, they will just know.
Imagine meeting yourself on a date for the first time
What would you say?
- ‘Argh I deserve better?’
- ‘Hey you’re bum is way too big for that dress?’
- ‘Man, don’t you think you should think about working out, those man boobs don’t really suit you.’
Sound familiar? For some,this is how you talk to you every day. If this was the first date with somebody new, then frankly a relationship is never going to happen.
If you were dating you where would you go for a meal?
So where would you take yourself for dinner?
- The local takeaway
- Or stay in and spend most of your time beating yourself up for what you are not doing and settle for toast.
Why is it so hard to treat ourselves well?
Looking at you in the mirror (narcissists excluded)
What would it take to get up each morning and look in the mirror (unless you’re a narcissist then this is definitely not for you) and tell yourself how cool you are.
What would it take to be nice to you?
To look in the mirror each morning and say, ‘Hey thanks for getting me this far.’
And maybe while you are there, “You could tell you, what you would have loved to have been told as a kid.”
- ‘I’m smart’
- ‘I’m funny’
- ‘I’m a great person’
Whatever it is you want to hear. Don’t wait for someone else to tell you. And if you start treating yourself better, others will start seeing that part of you. Not because you weren’t worthy, or attractive, or fun before, but because you hadn’t taken time out to like you in the first instance.
Self-Esteem v.s. Confidence
It’s easy to rock up somewhere to meet someone new and talk about your accomplishments, or to be confident in what you do. But feeling good about you, liking you, is different. Self-esteem is about liking you even when you don’t have the best job, or you’re carrying a few extra pounds. Liking you is infectious, it lights the flame for everyone else to like you.
So how about seeing you as the best date ever. For it is the one relationship that is never going to end.