How to attract your perfect relationship with Valentines looming is at the front of some people’s minds. And there is all sorts of advice out there on;
- What to say on a date?
- How to meet ‘The One.’
- What to wear on the first date?
And none of these really have the answer.
Tying the Knot in Relationship
For many the ultimate is ‘tying the knot’. Tying the knot was actually a practice. A priest would symbolise the marital union by tying the garments of the bride and groom together. (With the price of wedding dresses I can see why this hasn’t continued.)
But what if the knot is too tight and you feel too tied down? Or if the knot is too loose—and the knot becomes undone. And then the fighting starts and you wonder what happened to that honeymoon period.
For some reading this, you may never have found the right relationship to have experienced this. So how do you ‘Find the one?’ Experts talk about how communication is so important and stress this is why people’s relationships fall apart. But is that really true?
Finding the One
Are you trying to ‘Find the one?’ Then you wouldn’t be alone. If you are not in relationship, then your focus maybe on finding the ‘special one’. The ‘special one‘ that is going to make the world look better, sound better and feel a whole lot better. Well maybe you need to be asking yourself a few questions like:
- Am I looking for ‘the one’ to make me feel better?
- Do I feel if there is something missing in my life?
- Do I need someone to fulfil me?
And if the answer is ‘Yes’ to any of these questions then perhaps you need to be looking at building a relationship with yourself. Often people are looking outside of themselves. If you are going into relationship needing the other person to make you feel better about you, then you are going to be needy. And you are starting on shaky ground.
Often people don’t feel whole or secure, or lovable. So they try to get this externally, to make some aspect of themselves feel better. The love and respect you have for yourself is essential for others to have the love and respect for you. If you can’t like you, how can you expect to attract the person you really want in your life. Experts constantly talk about communication in relationships, or when you are on date. What to say, how to say it etc. But that isn’t it.
The Most Important Communication in any Relationship is…
You see the most important communication is not the communication you have with others, it is what you are saying to yourself. Often we have that critical voice constantly nagging at us in our head, running us down. And as we get critical, we don’t feel so good, and then we don’t do what we want and then we feel worse about ourselves. It becomes a vicious circle.
Our thoughts effect our feelings, and our feelings effect our actions and actions impact our thoughts. So start changing that dialogue. Try this for yourself look at a negative thought you have—just one.
- Write down the thought/belief?
- Now write down the feeling?
- Now write dow the action/behaviour?
- And now what is the thought/belief?
This is what we call a looping thought which is from Rapid Transformational Therapy (Marisa Peer). So if you are not seeing what you want in your life/relationship, perhaps this could help you determine why.
Tip: Just listen to how you talk to you. What are you saying to yourself everyday? How does that marry up with what you are seeing in your external world? (i.e. attracting the right partner).
Let’s look at it from another angle. Think about a garden. Most plants, (I’m excluding fungi here) don’t grow so well in the dark. And relationships, with yourself and with others can be likened to a garden. So if you are always picking on yourself or your partner, and if you/they have to continually protect their feelings, or cover themselves to protect themselves, very little is going to grow in the dark.
So what are you going to do to get the right relationship with you and others, plant flowers or stay in the dark If you are looking for ‘The One.’
Let’s start with a 20-minute call and see how we can work together.